Confession of a Welfare Mom
By Tara Roberts on Fri, Sep 4, 2009
This month marks an interesting anniversary for me — it’s been one year since I became a welfare mom. And that’s been on my mind lately.
Yep, I’m “on the dole,” as one of our Daily News columnists put it last week. My Medicaid benefits for pregnancy were approved last September. Your tax dollars paid for my prenatal care and the birth of my son, and now they’re paying for his doctor visits and immunizations.
This sounds a little strange, but I want to say thanks. I know no one really voluntarily gives their taxes, but I still feel I owe a debt to everyone whose hard-earned money has helped pay for me to have a healthy family.
See, I always feel a little sheepish — guilty, even — when I admit we’re on government assistance. Shouldn’t I be pulling myself up by my bootstraps? Should I really be asking for a handout?
When I filled out that first Medicaid application, I went through all the justifications I could think of in my head.
My husband is concentrating on school, so he can only work summers. I have a college degree and a job I love, it just doesn’t pay much. We can’t be faulted for not having much money, I told myself.
We had savings — a medical savings account, even — but then I got severely dehydrated at eight weeks pregnant and spent an night in the emergency room. Big bills followed. We had the money, but it went away so quickly.
I have insurance — pretty good insurance. But there’s that big deductible … and co-pays … and the percentage we’re responsible for after the deductible … and all the things that good insurance still doesn’t pay for.
We’re the type of family these programs are supposed to help, I told myself. We’re people who need a safety net. People who have a right to have the baby we’ve dreamed of, and shouldn’t be held back by bills.
We have no credit card debt, we’ve made no foolish financial decisions, we’re just — on paper — poor.
I told myself all this and turned in the forms. I still turn over that Medicaid card on every doctor visit.
So thanks. And thanks, even, to those of you would would fault me for taking that “handout.” We’re staying on the dole until we don’t need it anymore. And we’re not planning to get up in arms about the taxes we pay toward Medicaid and other programs on those bright future days when we have more money.
When I opened those hospital bills after Henry was born and saw how many thousands of dollars were left on them even after my primary insurance, I thanked God and the taxpayers of Idaho that I didn’t have to pay. Because I couldn’t have.
Sometimes stretching a buck means asking for help.
Tags: Stretching A Buck
September 4th, 2009 at 12:58 am
Thanks, Tara, for sharing your story! I can imagine the courage it took to air your dirty laundry in public, and I can only hope that those who don’t understand how those high deductibles and co-pays — including Walt Minnick — are the difference between eating & not, paying the rent & not for working folks with inadequate health insurance.
I’ll keep beating the drum, and I sincerely appreciate you sharing your experience.
And, you’re welcome — I can’t think of a better thing to pay my taxes for!
Enjoy Henry — before you know it, he’ll be headed off to kindergarten, and you’ll likely be shedding some bittersweet tears wondering how he grew up so fast.
September 6th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
I think where I have a problem with this account is in the area of personal responsibility (or lack thereof). Having a baby isn’t a medical emergency, it isn’t a disability, it’s a choice. A choice that one needs to be emotionally AND financially prepared for. With phrases like “the baby we’ve dreamed of” I’m assuming this was a planned pregnancy and that you probably knew ahead of time the costs involved.
The choice was made for you to have a job you love that didn’t pay much. The choice was made for your able bodied husband to concentrate on school rather than have a full time job or pick up a part time job. And, the choice was made for you to decide that rather than waiting until you could afford it, you wanted to have a baby now. That’s fine, that’s your decision, but with that decision comes the financial reality that these things cost money.
I don’t consider this to be a situation where you needed a “safety net”. You don’t mention having to choose between eating and paying your bills. You said you didn’t even have any credit card debt. You made the decision that rather than come up with payment plan with the hospital or take a semester off from school to work or even (heaven forbid) pay your share with a credit card that it was somehow more fair for the State of Idaho to pay your share. Unfortunately, I think this happens a lot - people abuse the system. I’m not sure when we decided that things like a college eduction were worth paying for, but the birth of our children (or any other medical procedure) should somehow be free.
When you file your federal taxes next year, you’ll receive a $1000 child credit for you new baby. If you are, on paper, “poor” then you probably won’t have a tax liability and you will receive that $1000 (plus any tax you’ve paid in) in a tax refund. Since we, as the people of Idaho, paid it forward to you, I hope you will do the same and donate that $1000 to someone who needs it. Maybe CareNet of the Palouse who are helping those pregnant women who need even more help than you did.
September 8th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
@Angela - Are you suggesting that Tara should have had an abortion?
Not every couple desiring a child (whether planned or unplanned) can wait until they have enough in savings to cover any possible medical emergency. Or even predict what the costs of such an emergency might be.
It sounds like this couple did all the right thing and are on the road to careers that will make it possible for them to someday pay into the system so that others can benefit. Under other circumstances they would have made it without help. But without the help, they might have become just another bankruptcy statistic.
September 8th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
Diane - Of course not - I’m not quite sure how you read that into my reply.
I was, however, commenting on a lack of personal responsibility.
September 8th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Diane- Abortion?!? Do you really think that’s what Angela meant? If she was pro abortion would she suggest supporting CareNet of the Palouse.
Reading over Tara’s other blog postings you will find that she enjoys eating lunch out most days during the summer and renting movies at least once a week as well. Does this sound like someone who has to choose between paying her own bills and eating or paying the rent? If I ate lunch out the majority of days during the week our tight budget would be in trouble too.
I am a bit upset by all of this, however, because my husband and I would be considered “low income” and yet we pay for our own insurance(we are self employed)and have managed to pay for the prenatal care, co-pays, deductables and deliveries of all three of our children ourselves. We have worked extra “odd” jobs, saved and even used low interest credit cards to manage paying our hosital bills. Gritman offers a discount if you pay within a certain period of time.
We felt like these children are our children, no one elses. We are responsible for them, no one else is. I too had many unexpected medical needs during all three pregnancies. Multiple ultrasounds on each, non-stress tests, bleeding, bed rest, placenta previa, and as a result, three c-sections. Which cost more than double a “normal” birth.
Health care is expensive, you get what you pay for. It is a small price to pay for beautiful healthy children. Parenthood is all about sacrifice, you need to figure that out right away.
At no point did we decide that because we had extra expenses that we should no longer have to pay for them. On every bill I received from the hospital there was a portion that read “Need Help? Call for payment options.” There are options.
Pregnancy and parenthood are full of unexpected expenses, you should expect that! This is all about personal accountability and responsibility.
I do, however want to thank Tara for illustrating a very important point. **Anyone-even able bodied people-can get the government to pay for there healthcare, as it is, right now.
Isn’t it ironic that people are willing to spend their money on their education, cars, houses, small luxuries,etc…but when it comes to medical care, even care that you can plan ahead for, they feel that it is no longer their responsibilty.
Some how through the cost of the birth of three children in three and a half years we have managed to not become another Bankruptcy statistic.
September 8th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
I think it is absolutely ridiculous that anyone would even think to imply that if you can’t afford the medical costs of having a baby, you shouldn’t have one. The amount of money a person is charged for giving birth or any other hospital visit is outrageous!
My son, who is uninsured because his job doesn’t offer health insurance became very ill…of which the doctors never could figure out what was wrong with him. But, 6 doctor visits, 1 emergency room visit, 1 night in the hospital, and one specialist later; he now owes about $5000 in doctor and hospital bills. I paid for his prescriptions or he wouldn’t have been able to afford those. And what is he being charged for? Not 1 doctor ever came up with a diagnosis.
Now that’s a great way to start off your life as an 18 year old kid just getting started. Already $5000 dollars in debt. He doesn’t own a car. He doesn’t have a credit card. He doesn’t go out to lunch everyday. He can’t afford to. He works at a job making a little over minimum wage and pays his own bills. I would like someone to tell me where this kid is going to come up with money to make doctor and hospital bill payments.
There are a lot of people out there who don’t have the option of health insurance. It isn’t offered at their jobs. You could say that it is their choice for taking that job, but right now there aren’t a lot of options!
People who have the privilege of affordable insurance need to take a look around. Everybody isn’t like you. I have insurance through my job, but it isn’t very affordable. By the time I have insurance and taxes taken out, my take home is half of what my gross earnings are. If I didn’t have a husband with a full time job, I wouldn’t be able to pay my bills. I can barely buy grocery’s and put gas in my car.
This country needs health care reform. Something needs to happen! I am tired of people who have what they need condemning those who don’t!
September 8th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
I’m glad to see this post is getting people talking - I know some of you disagree with my choices, but hey, I can take a few harsh assessments. I hope you posters continue to be civil w each other and focus on the discussion at hand.
One point I do want to clarify - @ darlene said I stated in an earlier post that i eat out almost everyday during the summer — that is inaccurate. I wish I could! I do eat out more frequently in the summer certainly, but that means once or twice a week — and you’ll notice both my lunch and movie posts are about saving as much money as possible on a few small luxuries! Cutting $4 a month on movies is hardly going to pay a few thousand in medical bills.
Again, I’m glad this is generating some discussion. Health care is a controversial topic and talking about it is key to finding common ground.
September 8th, 2009 at 8:37 pm
I am the father of three wonderful children, all now grown and responsibile. In March of 1973 I was discharged from the the US Navy. In March of 1973 my wife told she was pregnant with our first child. I had no job and no prospects. I found a job @ $2.75 per hour, but no insurance. There was no savings, no deductible, no copay, no medical savings account, and no percentage after a deductible. Nine months later we took delivery of a wonderful healthy baby boy, and a few days later a big doctor bill and an even bigger hospital bill. What was I to do? I went to work, and every month I payed down my bills until they were payed off. It wasn’t easy and I’m sure there were things we went without. But my bills were my responsibility. Now multiply this scenario times 3, the last two of which were cesarian. Your story disturbs me. It is so typical of an ever growing mindset in our society. Get someone else to pay your bills and keep your money for yourself. It upsets me that after struggling to pay my own way, now I’m paying for you.
September 8th, 2009 at 11:14 pm
Might I draw your attention to the fact that your tax dollars are also paying for criminals healthcare, who aren’t working and struggling and in fact are in the situation they are in because they caused immense harm to society. Do they have more right to your tax dollars than a hard working family who simply can’t make ends meet? They got someone else to pay their bills but I don’t see a post complaining about them mooching off the system.
Who should have to make the choice between paying bills and eating when there is a system in place to give you an option. When did you have to get to absolutely rock bottom to make it ok to ask for help? I think the fact that she applied for welfare, let alone sharing her story with the world takes an incredible amount of courage. One emypathizes with the plight of everyone who has posted. Everyone has gone through struggle…but why didn’t you apply for welfare? This system has been in place for years, and could have helped you in your respective struggles at any point in time.
As far as spending money on small luxuries instead of spending it on bills. How can you raise a happy family when you are a robot, a shell of a human? Who can possibly function and be happy when they think of nothing but the hardship they are under? The common thread in all the postings seem to be that children are a blessing who the make the world brighter, but what child can be raised to appreciate life when they have parents who are walking shells.
September 9th, 2009 at 11:17 am
Honestly, the only upsetting thing about this is that people have to -ask- the government to take care of their medical bills. Every other first-world nation in the world can pay for the health of its citizens. Why is America, which so many people believe is the greatest country in the world, unable to even consider it? And why are Americans, who consider themselves so smart and strong and important, totally unwilling to even consider it? What a ridiculous country this is, where we can spend hundreds of billions of dollars annually on our military (and that’s not including the multi-trillion costs of war), but when a woman wants to have a baby, she has to ask the government for permission, and feel like she has a scarlet ‘W’ on her chest, because while we can seriously consider spending 142.6 million dollars per plane for F-22s that can be disabled by, among other things, a light rain, we can’t see the immense social and economic benefits of paying for people’s healthcare. Why should someone feel bad about taking tax money to help with their problems? The best thing that tax money possibly can do is to be redistributed for the good of the citizenry. I’m having a hard time seeing the upside of spending billions of dollars bombing mud huts, but Tara’s unbelievably cute baby is an obvious public good.
I’d happily pay double or triple what I currently do in taxes, if it meant that people like Tara didn’t have to feel guilty (how silly!) about putting tax money to good use. I can’t imagine how a person could be so broken as to believe that bombs are more important and more worthy of our precious taxpayer dollars than public health.
September 9th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
Molly talks about criminals, I do not believe that they should be fed on the public dole but rather they should have to work for their room and board. Reagan, as Califormia governor, tried to make California prisoners work by cleaning up the highways but the ACLU said that was demeaning; who cares, they owe a debt to society, they should all get their hair cut off and wear prison jump suits and punch out license plates. Welfare is a generational habit that is ever growing and it has got to stop. I agree with Max, people need to take responsibility for their actions and pay the freight. It is not my responsibility to pay for your baby Tara, its yours and your husbands. Using tax money to pay for the social ills of society is truly taxation without representation. Taxes are supposed to pay for infrstructure and emergency services not babies. Your husband needs to get a job and work on his education when he has time or when times get better for you. This story makes me sick.
September 9th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
Tara, I like you and enjoyed working with you at the Daily News. But you guys need to start listening to Dave Ramsey. There is a way to have personal responsibility. Matt & I didn’t even try to have a baby until we had all our debt paid off, including our home. We both worked 2 jobs for about 2.5 years to do this and we made sure to have the money to pay for the baby before he was born. There is a way….but it’s not easy. However, it is really rewarding to be able to pay the bills when they come because we planned ahead. Dave Ramsey’s website is http://www.daveramsey.com. His book The Total Money Makeover is a great place to start.
September 9th, 2009 at 11:49 pm
Bottom line, having a kid is never a logical decision. If it were, there would never be any kids and our species would just die off.
September 11th, 2009 at 10:12 am
Thanks for writing your story, Tara. Having a child is not like buying a house. Growing a family is not contingent on having all of my ducks in a row. And most people never really have all their bases covered. Life happens, no matter which order one chooses to live it. I feel sick in my stomach that some people think that only ones who can afford babies should have them. Children need their parents to be present, and that doesn’t mean being “indentured servants” to pay off medical bills, especially when those bills include $500.00 hospital gowns and other inflated costs. Putting a dollar sign on life is an elitist and machinelike way to approach childbirth. To those of you who think we all should “do it” the right way, all I can say is, you wouldn’t be here if your ancestors adhered to the same economic restrictions. It wasn’t until recently that having a baby cost tons of money. Remember when the local midwife would come to the house? Most of our parents were born that way. It didn’t take a decade to pay off the midwife. That is how I had my children. The bill was $1,000.00 and that was 8 years ago. Support midwives. Support couples who want to start a family. Support families. Or don’t support them and let daycares and schools raise the children while Daddy and Mommy work to pay off everything and never get to know their children. Let only the children of rich people eat healthy foods and get medical care. Support institutions that incarcerate these grown children who weren’t raised by people who loved them. And then you can pay for their food and medical bills.
September 11th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Tara, That was brave of you to post your story and though you think you are doing the the only possible thing you could do by going on welfare, I have to agree with many of the posts here. Whether you planned this pregnancy or not is really not the issue. Your husband not working while in school is one of them, sorry but he should get a job and maybe postpone school. My sister had two unplanned pregnancies and though her and her husband have inadequate insurance, they arranged a payment plan and never once thought of asking the taxpayers to pay for her and her husband’s choice. I was under insured as a young adult and had two surgeries in one year. I never once thought of asking the government to help me. I worked something out with both doctors. It took a while to pay them back but I eventually did. I grew up poor and my parents never took government hand outs until it got to be dire straights. I have run across many women at the Moscow Farmer’s Market who tell me they are WIC to help with their children. The kids are nicely dressed and they shop at the co-op which is not cheap. I know people on the WA state medical insurance plan but they wear nice clothes and their nails are always welled manicured. Some people just think they deserve it so they can have the money for the other finer things in life. Tara, I do not assume that is you but I do think you could have worked something out to pay that money back and your husband should get a job. There are those who DO need the safety net and I am sorry but you don’t seem to fall into that category.
September 11th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
I think the overriding sentiment here is that everyone knows better than Tara and her husband what Tara and her husband should do. That’s not how it works. The point of Tara’s piece was to say thank you, and to shine a very small light on the situation her family, like many other families across the state and country, is in.
There is always more to the story, and making the assumption that Tara and her husband decided to ask for help on a whim, without considering their options is ludicrous. There are countless reasons why working two jobs or working 40 hours a week while in school full-time is unfeasible. Even if the jobs were available, it is not a silver bullet.
I think the takeaway point here needs to be that you can’t assume you know the life stories of “those people” who are “on the dole.” For every one person who is abusing the system, there are countless others who just need a hand for a while, who are grateful for the assistance and who are making their communities a better place with the energy they’d otherwise have spent working three jobs.
September 11th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Since the issue of my husband’s job status has come up a few times, I thought I’d add a few details–
My husband goes to school in the morning, and I work an afternoon/evening shift. While I’m at work, our baby stays and plays with Daddy. My husband could get a part time job, certainly, but that money would then be poured into the child care we’d have to pay for as a result. The decision for him not to work at this point was a very conscious one.
As far as him not dropping out of school and getting a job — finishing his degree dramatically increases his work and income potential, allowing us to get out of that “low income” bracket sooner — and for the long-term.
Once again, I appreciate your comments … and am surprised by the volume and passion of them!
~T
September 14th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
I am a 26 year old, divorced mother of one child, worker of two jobs and I go to school as well. And on top of it, the ex-husband doesn’t pay his child support. I seem to manage without welfare assistance of any kind. You and your husband need to try harder. You have taken the easy road out. I had the same amount of hospital bills when I was pregnant and then some. My employer’s insurance was just okay not great but something at the time. I worked out a payment plan with the hospital, doctors, etc. You’ll never see me go “on the dole”. I understand how important my role is as an American to have a great work ethic and responsibility to fellow Americans to try harder instead of take your road traveled in the past year. It’s time you and your husband step up to the plate and figure out that America was not founded on what you have done in the last year….it was created and maintained on blood, sweat and toil… so get off the couch.
September 15th, 2009 at 11:08 am
Hello all , i have been reading all of these comments. I too had hard time at first, our child came as a oops. I worked and paid my doctor off, and the hospital too. The big differance is that you seem to have the unforunate attitude that is better to let someone else pay your bills. You choose to add to the hi cost of living for everyone by adding to the problem. In life we all need to dicide were our prioritys are, if you guys wanted a baby thats great but please dont ask me to pay for it, your husband should have gotten a job and then he and you could have paid for the child and not me and all of the other tax payers. With that all said i do hope that your child is healthy, they are our greatest gift
October 29th, 2009 at 8:51 am
IN CASE ANY OF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY NOTICED!!!!
Tara wrote this to say thank you…
Not to shove it in your faces like you are all doing.
October 29th, 2009 at 8:53 am
ps.
You’re welcome Tara.
Although I am only 17 and some of my taxes from my 200$ paycheck I get every two weeks is going to you, I know it’s to help for things you need. Unlike other people I know.
And I know the feeling of thinking it’s wrong for you to be getting that money…but at the same time you need it.
I can’t live at my parents house so I’m getting food stamps to even it all out. But once I get enough so that I can pay for the electric, water, and pay off my parents and enough for college, I’ll be off of it.
For some people it’s just not as easy.
November 14th, 2009 at 1:44 am
I think a laser guided bomb costs more than a pregnancy. When we Americans give up the military industrial philosophies that a dead baby is better than a healthy one I will take more pride in this country.
November 14th, 2009 at 1:49 am
I’d rather pay for another healthy american than a dead afgan baby.
January 24th, 2010 at 10:18 pm
If you need help get help, so screw what everyone else has to say. Someone always has a opinion about something, good or bad. When I worked, my tax dollars went to the people on public assistance and whatever else and now that I am unemployed I am taking advantage of what I put into the system. If you or I don’t use the assistance that’s available, someone else will, regardless if they need it or not. It’s not right but’s a fact.